Now you gone done and pissed me off

In response to Angels post

Now, normally, I don't use this blog to communicate directly with Andy, as
that's not what it is for (I will get to that in a second). If I have anything
to say regarding one of Andy's blog entries, I will comment on his blog, where
that belongs. HOWEVER, apparently Andy is feeling the need to block my comments
now...hmmm...interesting...we all know how I feel about being censored....so I
will leave my comment right here for everyone to read.

I thought you didn't jump to conclusions. I don't want to be an asshole, as you are a very good friend of mine, but please stop playing the victim, it's getting old. I posted my comments in my blog, just as you have done. I was only waiting til I had time to write a response.

First and foremost I think that I need to clarify the purpose of my blog. The whole concept behind http://www.angelbenton.com is that, if you were to break into my bedroom and break open and read my diary, this is what you would be reading. So OF COURSE everything that you read is going to be from my PERSPECTIVE. It's not a source for news and unbiased information. If that's what you're looking for, log on to MSNBC, because you won't find it here. That's not changing. Ever.

Now I will answer all of your points that you bring up in your entry entitled "Fraud?" which was referring to ME (so sweet). For those that are reading along, I am not going to be posting everything that he wrote, you can log on to his blog to read it. Here are my responses:

1) I never once said that Classy and Lex had sex. In fact, as Jason Sechrest pointed out in the comment section, anyone who knows Lex knows that he is not like that. But that wasn't the point anyway. The point (and why I mentioned it) was the mere fact of them leaving the club together was unexpected. They could have gone home and fucked, they could have gone home and made a fucking QUILT, but the fact that they left together (regardless of what happened afterward) was unexpected, as was me spending the night with you. That's it, and Classy joking about it didn't help his case when it comes to people's speculations.

I was simply clearing up something for two friends of mine, since you put that out there to be misinterpreted by the public. In addition, the comments that Classy made, were voiced in front on Lex, AND you knew that he was joking when he said that.

2) Yes you were cranky because you couldn't get to the bar! And you couldn't get to the bar because you kept getting pushed around from person to person and the drink ticket situation was a fucking fiasco. Nobody said that you were jonesing for some vodka and taking it out on the rest of the world, nor did anyone call you an "angry alcoholic." Now you are putting words in MY mouth, just like you accused ME of in the "Confessions" entry, when you said that I directly quoted you as saying, "Shove off" (which, after you said, I reread, and found that I never quoted you as saying that). Yet somehow it's perfectly acceptable for Lex Sabre to call you a drunk mess and describe you needing to be sent home from Fubar....hmmmm....

All you said was that I was cranky because I couldn't get to the bar. Now, stop and think for a second. What is a reader going to think when they read that? You sent me a text message that said that you would never write anything unflattering about me. Well, your whole Freaky Friday post sure wasn't flattering. Jason Sechrest even mentioned in his blog that your comments have to be good for my business. Did you read your own entry? Did you think about what others might be thinking when they read it? As for the shove off thing, you may not have mentioned it in a written entry or a voice post but you kept repeating for weeks that I told you to just fuck off.

3) You missed the whole point of that statement. There have been times when you and I have had quite public shouting matches, when the reality was that neither one of us were even upset. No big deal, but I'm sure to the people around us, it looked like we were FURIOUS with each other. SO MY POINT WAS, my dealings with you, have taught me to not rush to judgment and not judge a book by its cover. Is that a bad thing? It just so happened that I realized this in the context of Brant and Jayden, who yes, are indeed a couple. But if it had been Brandon yelling at Rusty, or Anthony Cortez yelling at Erik, I would have come to the same realization. And your point about Blake Riley and Trevor is invalid because, according to Blake Riley himself, he and Trevor are NOT in a relationship.

I was simply pointing out the difference. My point about Trevor and Blake was NOT invalid in response to your blog since you are the one that said that they had somewhat coupled. They had something going on, if not a relationship. YOU and I have not even somewhat coupled. Brant and Jayden are actually in a relationship. Of course they are going to argue like that. Now, I felt the need to put this in MY public blog because you are comparing our friendship to those of people who have more than friendships, or at least did for some brief moment
in time.

4) Are you fucking kidding me?? The whole point of me writing that was to show that I am trying to SEE THINGS FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW SO THAT I CAN MOVE ON!!! What point does it prove? It proves that other people see things that you "choose to ignore" as you have stated yourself. Translation: Shut the fuck up Angel Benton. Actually no, I take that back. That's not what that meant, BUT, blocking my comments does indeed translate to SHUT THE FUCK UP ANGEL BENTON. Did you learn that from Erik?

Other people see what? Other people, who are not me, think that we would be good together in a relationship? Good for them, however they are not me. What I chose to ignore, because I had no idea how to respond, is that you want to be more than friends. I am not choosing to ignore that we would be great in a relationship as boyfriends, because I don't believe that is true. Oh, and since I respect you, I would never tell you to shut the fuck up. And again, I didn't block your comments.

And I wouldn't mention Erik, since you seem to have learned a few things from him.

5) The owners of the Helios Resort asked us where we were registered. You were standing right there. They were talking to the both of us. It was at Oasis at the Rentboy Pool Party afterparty. I can't believe that you don't remember that.

This question was a joke, I remember a hell of a lot more than you probably think. You would be surprised. I had also asked "You mean we could be getting free gifts?"

Oh, and one last thing. You are just as guilty of misleading the public as you say that I am. In your recent post about you and Classy doing a scene together, you say "Since we've had plenty of practice, this scene should turn out really great." Now, the outside observer would be pressed to believe that you and Classy have had plenty of sex together, but you know as well as I do, that is false. You two have had sex ONCE, BUT you both indeed have had lots of practice having sex....just not with each other. ;-) If you want to call me out on being misleading, all I have to say is, if you live in a glass house you shouldn't throw bricks.

Did I say anything bad about my friends? NO. Did I say anything that could be misinterpreted as insulting to someone, or hurtful to someones reputation? NO. Now back out of my marketing scheme and stop trying to hurt my business please. And just to clarify, so that you don't think that I'm telling you to shove off, I don't mean business as in my life, I mean business as in my video work, and escorting.

AND yes there are things that I leave out. You know that as well as I do. But you also know as well as I do that the things that I leave out are far more unflattering than the things that I choose to write. You know exactly the type of post that I am talking about. It's similar to the type of post that you wrote to Houseboi when he pissed you off. As fierce as that was, I have no interest in doing that to you. That would solve nothing and just create animosity that doesn't currently exist.

So that's it. Am I upset/angry/pissed off? No, not really. Not at all. In fact, I am proud of both you and Classy and I sincerely hope that you have a great shoot and tons of fun in Palm Springs this weekend. I hope your new movie leads to nothing but bigger and better things. In regards to me, you of course are entitled to your opinion. Do I still love you? Of course I do. Am I disappointed in the way that you chose to handle the situation? Absofuckinglutely. I wish that you would have felt comfortable enough to talk to me in person about this, or even use e-mail, telephone, text message, or even comment on my blog since it was where the entries that you took offense to were located. But instead you chose to respond publicly, which you have every right to do, but choosing to try and silence me, hurts.

What should I have taken the time to respond privately to something that you posted publicly? We have all communicated through our blogs indirectly. Why is this time any different? AND, I wasn't censoring you. First of all you have your own public forum that you can post in just as I did. I was simply waiting til I had the time to write a full response to your comment before I published your comment.

But hey, I know that you love me, and I know that you wouldn't ever do anything intentionally to hurt me. TRUE After all, this is the same beautiful man who told me that he never wanted me out of his life, and that he would financially support me if I quit Bath And Body Works, and yes, the same one who asked me to stay the night with him. Sometimes you get hurt unintentionally. After all, you are just doing what is right for you.

Another thing that is really starting to piss me off is that you always mock me for saying this. What in the hell is so wrong about doing what is right for me? Why do you feel the need to always mock me about this? I do what is right for me and I do my best to keep my friends happy, and
not insult anybody along the way. I think that makes me a pretty good
person.

However, just once, it would be nice for someone to want to do what is right for ME....

The first person that should be doing what is right for you is YOU. You can be the one to judge whether you are doing that are not. NOW, I can't
speak for Brandon or Rusty, but I can say that I always try to be there for you. I do my best to be a good friend that defends you and is there for you to talk to. You want someone to want to do what is right for YOU. Okay, but does that mean that that someone has to forget what is right for them to do what is right for you? Brandon and I tried to convey how important you are to us in the hellish car ride up to San Francisco. What else can we do? What is lacking in our friendship that makes you want more? What have your friends done that hasn't been right for you?

You have made this entire thing public, and now you are offended when I post something for all to read? I really don't understand that. Some things in this entry probably are hurtful, but I have told you again and again that I love, and I really do mean LOVE my friends, including you. I have even gotten messy emotional in front of you about the idea of losing you, Brandon, Rusty, Classy, or any of my friends. Now, what have I said that is unflattering about you? I have done my best to reassure you that you are important to me and that I want you in my life although not in the capacity that you would prefer.

Of course this is all very easy for me. I mean, there is absolutely no pressure on me at all. Either I love you the way you want, or your self esteem falls to pieces and then it gets put on me like it's all my fault.

I am lost now and have probably said more than enough. Say what you want. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I am doing what's right for me. There's absofuckinglutely nothing wrong with that. Want to be my friend? Then please, by all means continue to do so, but stop the animosity. I don't think I'm being insensitive. I have tried the private approach but that doesn't seem to have rung through.

Andy Kirra and Ryan Thompson!

So this weekend I will be in Palm Springs with Classy A.K.A Ryan Thompson. We're going to be doing a film for Dink Flamingo! Mike Donner is actually the one that contacted me about working in the movie, and it'll be good to see him again.
Classy and I just got the news this morning that he'll be doing one scene and it's going to be with ME.
Since we've had plenty of practice, this scene should turn out really great. Actually, the whole movie should be excellent.

And I really enjoy Palm Springs so hopefully we'll get to have some fun in the sun together.

A mention by JC on the newsdesk

JasonCurious wrote about my upcoming film shoot here.

That's not my favorite photo of myself, but it'll do.

Many thanks to Jason ; )

Fiona Apple - Sleep To Dream

Fraud?

Perhaps that is to strong of a word. It took some debating, but I have decided that I now must publicly dispute the full credibility of Angel Benton's blog.

Yes, perspective has indeed been a key word that has been used in our group lately. A group of people experiencing the same event together can have completely different view points on what is really going on. Of course, sometimes you never know it until later when you hear the story retold in somebody else's words - from their own perspective.

Lets just start with some flaws in Miss. Benton's blog that aren't exactly lies, but have been put out there to make readers think that something happened other than what really did.

1. In the Freaky Friday post AB said : "(Classy and Lex Sabre went home together)"
Okay, true, but they sure didn't do anything together. Lex Sabre rarely drives all the way back home when he gets boozed up. He stayed in my bed, NO SEX. He stayed in Classys bed, NO SEX. He stayed in Blake Rileys bed, NO SEX. (well, I can't be 100% sure on that last one, but would he lie?)

2. In the Highway to Hell post AB said: "So the crowded party fizzled out, I took him home. (He was a little bit cranky because we never got to the bar.)"
Yes, I was cranky because I wasn't able to get to the bar so I could get some WATER!!! There were to many people bumping me around, and by the time I actually got up to the bar, I needed a ticket just to get some water. Thank you for painting me as an angry alcoholic who couldn't get a drink.

3. In the White Party 2007 Part III post AB said: "Brant and Jayden start arguing at the top of their lungs. Now, there have been many occasions where Andy and I have screamed at each other in public (that last little walk back to the car from Eleven comes to mind) so who am I to judge?"
You said that you feel bad for me because all these people wonder if we are in a relationship. Well in the above sentence, you compare conversations that you and I have, with those of people that are actually in relationships. These are two completely different situations. You did it again here : "Blake and Trevor had somewhat coupled up too, and they were super cute when they argued and fought. It kinda reminded me of me and a certain little mogwai that I know...."

4. AB said: "I mean, when we are out together, everybody wants to either take pictures of us together (for people to specualate on the status of our "relationship" later) or feels the need to give us advice and commentary (i.e., "How long have you two been boifriends?" or "Where are you guys registered for the wedding?") Comments like that just slide off my back. (If anything, they just prove my point.)"
What exactly is your point that you think comments like these prove?

And who has asked you where we are registered? You mean we could be getting free gifts?

A Public Statement by AndyKirra.com

Our only comment at this time is that Angel Benton is seriously out of control. Aside from that, Andy has instructed the staff here at AndyKirra.com to not comment on any claims that are in dispute.



Thank you!

O the British

Astrological Signs

I am not one to check my horoscope daily to compare it to whatever may be happening in my life. If I really wanted to make a correlation I'm sure I could find a way. Some people do invest a lot of time and effort into generalizing traits about a speficic sign though. I am not sure how much of it I believe or trust but it is interesting to read sometimes. I posted a summary on Scoripo awhile back, but found this one today that is slightly different. I think some of it fits me, but am not so sure about the rest. Any opinions? Anonymous or not, it would be interesting to hear.


Scorpio is the eighth Sign of the Zodiac, and you shouldn't take that lightly. You shouldn't take Scorpios lightly, either. Those born under this Sign are dead serious in their mission to learn about others. There's no fluff or chatter for Scorpios, either: these folks will zero in on the essential questions, gleaning the secrets that lie within. Scorpios concern themselves with beginnings and endings, and are unafraid of either; they also travel in a world which is black and white and has little use for gray. The curiosity of Scorpios is immeasurable, which may be why they are such adept investigators. These folks love to probe and know how to get to the bottom of things. The fact that they have a keen sense of intuition certainly helps.

It's the Scorpion which symbolizes Scorpios, and it's no accident. Much like the Scorpion would rather kill itself than be killed, those born under this Sign are the ones who are in ultimate control of their destiny. It is life on the Scorpion's terms, too, since these folks promote their agenda (they are quite the executives) and see to it that things go forward. Others may find this overbearing (it can be) and even self-destructive, but that's the beauty of the Scorpion: these folks have tremendous regenerative powers, much like the literal Scorpion can lose its tail and promptly grow a new one. Fearless Scorpions rarely lose, per se, they just keep on going, since they are stubborn and determined to succeed (this Scorpio trait is in keeping with the Fixed Quality assigned to this Sign). Scorpios work as hard as they do so they can someday sit back and feel satisfied with themselves. These folks are intense, passionate and filled with desire. They're also complex and secretive, so don't expect to get much out of them, lest they become suspicious and exit stage left. It's best not to bet against Scorpios, either, since these folks are surprisingly resourceful.


http://www.astrology.com/allaboutyou/sunsigns/scorpio.html

Timing

Timing and the placement of certain events, no matter how small, almost always strikes me with the notion that there is something to be learned from whatever is happening at any given moment.
Now, I did not post this photo on the 16th of April to Post Secret - but I can certainly identify with what this person had to write.



Of course, part of me was glad that we were in a moving vehicle so that I could not escape......a very very small part that has since been taught a lesson ; )

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.

You can view this PostSecret and more here

Sometimes

you are a bitch.

Logic?

You Say, "I Will Come"


You say, "I will come."
And you do not come.
Now you say, "I will not come."
So I shall expect you.
Have I learned to understand you?


Lady Otomo No Sakanoe (eighth century)

Madonna - Easy Ride

I want the good life
But I don't want an easy ride
What I want is to work for it
Feel the blood and sweat on my fingertips
That's what I want for me

I want to know everything
Maybe someday I will
What I want is to find my place
Breathe the air and feel the sun on my children's face
That's what I want

[Chorus:]

I go round and round just like a circle
I can see a clearer picture
When I touch the ground I come full circle
To my place and I am home
I am home

I want to let go of all disappointment that's waiting for me
What I want is to live forever
Not defined by time and space
It's a lonely place
That's what I want

[chorus, repeat and fade]



Don't even bother making jokes about the title.

Wow

We used that word a lot over the weekend, and it is the one word that I would choose to describe it. Angel, Brandon, Rusty and I drove up to San Francisco on Saturday to go to our friend Gary's birthday party.
We got a lil bit of a late start, because BAR-Angel (woka woka woka, we hadn't picked up Angel at this point) got a bit of an early and heavy start. Blah blah blah long story short I had to go file some paperwork which took a really long time. We finally got on the road at around 4ish.
Brandon was driving so it was no surprise that we made a wrong turn somewhere and ended up on a very informative, lil bit bumby, Highway to Hell! That was a long six hours, and there was a whole lot of discussion about feelings, and opinions, and vice's and a ton of other things. I was not prepared for that but I think it was a good thing. Rusty stayed silent pretty much the whole way up there. He had his computer out though so I'm sure a lot of notes were taken.

We pulled up and past the house, and some people said "oh look, the Rentboys are here'> The party was definitely packed, and everyone there seemed to be having a great time. We ended up leaving after a couple of hours, if that. I was super happy that we at least got to see the birthday boy, and wish him a happy one.
There were some drag queens gone wild there that really were performers. They got into what they do, whatever it is, for sure. They were running around and pulled a couple peoples hair, and one guy even got bit! I almost with it was Rusty or Angel so I could have seen one the queens get slapped, the drag queens I mean. ;)

There were a ton o hot boys at the party and there was at least entertainment. It didn't exactly fit in with the typical event that we would be at. There were lots of family members and those pesky hetero's. (can't live without em). I wonder if we stood out as much as we thought we did. Lil Rusty (Hobbit R, TownPump 2) was wearing his pink bitch hat (it has the word bitch on it, not a photo of Brandon in the hott pink shirt) -that's hot though, I think I'll make one. lol. Someone yelled out BITCH! well that certainly drew attention to Rusty and the boys around him chewing bubble gum with pupils as big as the holes that may someday be in their brains. Sigh, poor Angel Benton, when will she learn?

Some other people referred to us as altar boys. Did they not see us drive up? We made sure to drive past the house again on the way back to the hotel. Viral Marketing.

I love the shower. Leonardo DiCaprio would probably be very upset with him if he knows how much water I used while I was in SF.

Brandon flew back, on a plane, early in the AM. Rusty flew back as well. Angel and I drove back to Los Angeles in the Rentboy Mobile. There might be more on this later.
We headed to the Porno Palance and were soon met by Brandon, Rusty, JASON SECHREST, Tom, and Eric. Rusty was almost immediately checked out the floor DING! While some of us were seeking rest Mr. Sechrest stole Brandon in the restroom! Scandalous!

I don't know we are continuously surprised at how beautifuly fucked up some things are that we get away with.

Gee whiz. Wow.

OooOoOoOOO GOSH

My boss was sitting at her desk a few minutes ago and she talks to herself outloud quite often. She just said

"Why do I smell something chemically? It smells like chemicals."

0o0o0o0o0o gosh

I'm going to have to clean my desk with some booze or something

Do you see what I see?

Okay so Classy and Lex were at my place yesterday before we went out. This video came on the television and Classy pointed out how much her movements are like JONATHAN CHANGS =)
Watch the whole video. Do you see it to?

Hilarious! Both bitches are fierce in my book.

Pandora

I love Pandora. This site actually works very well. Everyone may already know about this...but I had no clue it existed. You can create stations on Pandora, and it will search for other music that you may like based on the artist and the genre. It works very well if you are in a certain mode & mood. You can have a Sarah Mclachlan station, and a...a.....I don't know, something opposite of that, lol. ummmm maybe Lincoln Park or Sublime.

http://www.pandora.com

Makin' That Paper

So, Classy kept telling me that I should blog this. I made a fair amount of money at the blackjack table during the weekend of the Rentboy pool party. I never bet any money though =P. A couple sat down next to Classy and eventually they got to talking. They asked why we were in town, and Classy, very cooly, says for the Rentboy pool party at Helios. LOVES IT! Well, then one of the guys turns to his partner (of 20 years) and says "oh, they're hustlers!"
A few hours later I met them at their hotel.

You never know.

How much does air space sell for?

Okay, that would be when you know you are really fierce...when you've bought the airspace above your house.

This freakin helicopter was hovering directly over my house today. I was sitting in the beautiful back yard surrounded by pretty green plants and listening Bjork and the damn birds that never stop....and then a very very BIG BIRD decided to come mess up my serene setting. 15 minutes later, it finally flew away. But I think it forgot something, lol. It came back to the same spot in the air, and then left again! WTF!

o0o0o0, what if you bought the airspace over a house that belonged to someone else! Now we're talkin

OOPS!

How about I accidentally charged a customer $69,111. I hope my company doesn't take the overlimit fees out of my paycheck =P

oooooo gosh

I like this song....

RINSE
By: Vanessa Carlton


she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise
she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright
for answers to the questions that will haunt her tonight

she must rinse this all away
she can't hold him this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him this way

how she'd be soothed, how she'd be saved if he could see
she needs to be held in his arms to be free
but everything happens for reasons that she will never understand
'til she knows the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man

[chorus]

and if she runs away she fears she won't be followed
what could be the worse than leaving something behind
and as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow
it's loneliness she finds...
if only he was mine

she'd do anything to spakle in his eye
she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise
she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright
for answers to the questions that will haunt her tonight

she must rinse him
she must rinse him
she can't rinse him
she can't rinse him
she can't, she won't, she must rinse him
she can't, she won't, she must rinse him
she must rinse this all away
she can't hold him this way
she must rinse this all away
she can't love him this way

My Friends are Fabulous

I must say. So, 10:18 AM my phone rings. It's Rusty. I'm thinking "Oh shit, did Brandon manage to finally OD or what?" But of course that was not the case.
Apparantly we are going on a trip....I mean in a plane sillys! I don't know exactly where, or why, but I don't need to know...I think. I just love that we can be random like this.

Gee whiz, if this happens more often, I am going to end up giving up my real job. EEK!

Must stay responsible....must keep benefits....sigh, opportunity cost....

Check out the Rentboy Pool Party photos

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Let the Battle Begin

For those of you who haven't read Rusty's blog (http://www.reallyrusty.blogspot.com) I agree that yes, the BoyMagic hole is a cheap rip off of the Magic Pussy, and that is doesn't exist. There is only one truly Magic Pussy.

Of course I am the original and current individual that has the Magic Puss. Always will be.

Thanks =)

Fuck it

So much to say, but there is really no point. I will just say that EVERYONE should kow that I am not romantically involved with anybody, nor do I wish to be. Mind your own business.

Thanks! Have a great Monday!

Andy

Sweet Nothings

Here are just a couple of the sweet things that were said to me over the weekend by a dear friend of mine.

I said: “You are always so angry.”

He said: “I never used to be until I met you!”


Oh here is a real good one.

“You are just so blind. I cannot even begin to understand the depths of your stupidity.”

Now, just these comments were made. There was not explanation to go along with them. So that just leaves me to dwell on these sweet nothings that have been blasted at me.

If I am so blind, why will you not help me to open my eyes? If everything happens for a reason, then perhaps I am not meant to see whatever it is that you say that I am blind to. Perhaps I do see it and I do not wish to acknowledge it. Maybe we just see things differently. I am not blind simply because I do not see what you see how you see it.

I am always learning more about the people that I surround myself with.

I don't get it. Am I supposed to have some sort of epiphany because someone who claims to be a friend, and would like to be more, calls me stupid? Well, that is certainly not the path to my heart.

Oh, then someone else said something that really did offend me, and I very maturely explained that I did not appreciate that and his response:

"Shut the fuck up"

That's hott.

I had a blast this weekend at the Rentboy Pool Party, but there were a few fucked up things said. Ah well, shit happens right?

Oh, and I'm a bad friend.


Look at me, I just made myself look like a total asshole in my own blog. YEA!

Umm

Ah...

You!....

I...

It do....

Just.....

Oh nevermind

ANGEL BENTON SLEPT WITH MY EX

and I don't mean they just slept ZZZZZZZZZZZ

YES, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST. ANGEL BENTON SLEPT WITH MY WIFE BEATIN' EX BOYFRIEND LAST NIGHT.

Well, I guess someone has to do it.

MORE DETAILS ON THIS LATER

Getting Closer!!!

The Rentboy Pool Party is only days away!!!!!! YAHOO! I'm so excited.



Click on this link to get a sneak peek @ who will be there = )

http://www.rentboy.com/RBevents/poolpartyPS07/performers.htm

Kinda Hot

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

New Axe Boost Shower gel ad for ESP (Better Kisser)

cute

Ok, is someone just being silly????

or can it be that someone actually reads my blog that doesn't know about my friends, and read their blogs as well???

Anonymous said...
are you craaazy? Jake Gyllenhaal is not a B-lister!!! Jeez!!! And who are these supposed A-listers Angel Benton, Jonathan Chang, and Brandon Baker??? I've never even heard of them!!

Study: Alcohol, tobacco worse than drugs

Click here if you wanna know more

Dexter ????

What are you doing in laboratory? I mean neighborhood? This morning as I was walking to work I passed a fellow on the street that struck me as interestingly cute, yet hauntingly creepy. He walked passed me outside of the bank that is just a few yards from my house. He was calmly sipping his coffee, and fainted a slight smile as I passed him. Then I realized who it was!

Nice, Michael C. Hall was only yards from where I sleep, YEA!

This is only my ummmm sixth sighting of a celebrity in Los Angeles. The others are Nicole Richie (in front of Fred Segals), Paris Hilton (illegally turning around using the driveway into my POE's buliding), George Foreman, Jake Gyllenhaal, and a lil lil movie guy; Eric Jungmann from Not Another Teen Movie.

Those are the B-listers of course. The A-listers include Angel Benton, Jonathan Chang, and Brandon Baker.

I Don't Know How I Do It

but I really do seem to have an innate ability to PISS PEOPLE OFF. Brandon has said this a few times. He says that he isn't sure how I do it, but I can really really upset certain people without doing much more than what I think is right for me or the people around me. This would normally be okay, since the scorpio within me has a knack for simply casting out what it doesn't deem necessary. Most of the time this would just result in us no longer talking, or at least temporarily as in the recent case with Trevor Knight. That was fine. We had our space, and have spoken since. Problem may not be resolved but is at least on its way under the bridge.

This most recent problem with another individual is different however.

LET IT BE KNOWN TO EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE...THAT I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY VIOLENCE DIRECTED TOWARD MYSELF.

It's good to hear about these threats before you actually interact with the person who is threatening you. If I enjoyed being beat and called names, I'd still be with my ex-boyfriend honey. Now, feel free to take a swing at me in public, but know that you will be sadly mistaken to do so. If you want to assimilate yourself with my friends who I am sure are ever faithful to me as long as I am in the right, then you should play along.

If I am the dramatic one, why are you threatening violence against me? Please take a moment, breath, and grow up.

Huh? If I go missing....

Lil Rusty gave me a call a couple of minutes ago and thanked me for getting him plastered last night. =) Of course I was more than happy to do so because then I didn't look quite as drunk, lol. jk jk. He then asked if I was going to Tigerheat tonight and if I needed a ride. Wow!
Maybe Brandon has finally given the green light for my hit to be done. If I go missing and you can't find me in the bottom of a shower somewhere, then you know something has happened, lol. Oh, and photos of Rustys car are all over his website so keep an eye out.

Oye, I can't believe I am going out for another night of deubachery and mayhem. You wouldn't think that I really have a full time job huh? Gee whiz.

Good Knight

So Trevor Knight spoke to me last night. Wow! For some reason I am not to sure of he has not been speaking to me. Don't get me wrong, I do have my suspicions but I gave up on my psychic abilities when I realized they didn't work with Brandon Baker. If they don't work on him, they don't work at all.

Anyways, Trevor just asked if I had heard about our nomination together for Best Cum Scene @ the Grabby's this year. He put his arm around me for a bit and we talked about his 6 other nominations or something or a hot minute. Interesting.

Of course Angel Benton doesn't miss a beat, and he immediately rushed over to see if we had made up. We all had a group hug, facilitated by Angel Benton. Awwwww, so special.

That's right Angel, I blogged it first. HA!

Stressed At Work - Episode 1

ok, ok, just one more

Crazed Office Man

HIlarious!

Rusty, is this a true story????

http://www.ling.upenn.edu/~kurisuto/rusty/rusty.html

Stressed out office worker

RAGE!

This is not me, but this must be what I look like at work sometimes.

Remember: Please and thank you go a long way.

NO! NO! NO!

Current mood: Fucked up

...and not in the general way that you would expect. Oh don't worry, I'm happy (I think). I am just confused. I want to put my feelings in a bottle and launch it far far far far far away in a cannon. I feel though that it would be pointless. Mother nature would probably decide to throw it right back @ me, or right where I am not sure I want it to go. Yes, my luck the bottle would fly completely around the world and land on my pillow like it never left. Or there'd be a tsunami or a volcanic eruption and there would be the freakin' bottle. NO NO NO NO!
END RANT

Silly laws

Canada
In Calgary there is a by-law that is still on the books that requires
businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.

I would comment on that last one but it is just to easy.

In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same
tub at the same time

It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time

In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap

In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor

In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.

In England it is illegal to sell most goods on a sunday, (this law is mostly ignored), it is however legal to sell a carrot. It is also legal to sell it at any price and to give free gifts with it, such as anything else one might want to buy on a sunday!

In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

See these and other silly laws here

It's 5 o'clock somewhere

I'd rather have a sign that says "It's legal somewhere". YEA!

Article: "Privacy for Internet names moves forward"

Perhaps good news for some. There may be something in the works for those who wish to have a little more privacy when it comes to their identity.

"It would just make it that much more difficult and costly to find out who's behind a name,"

"At the end of the day, they are not going to have personal contact information on public display,"

read more about this article here



Note: Quotes are from linked article.

I just sneezed about 7 times. Eesh!

Sneeze
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Little Sammy Sneeze by Winsor McCay
A sternutation, sternutatory reflex or, as is more commonly known, sneeze, is a semi-autonomous, convulsive expulsion of air from the nose and mouth. This air can reach speeds of 70 m/s (250 km/h or 155 MPH). Sneezes spread disease by producing infectious droplets that are 0.5 to 5 µm in diameter. About 40,000 such droplets can be produced by a single sneeze.

Cause
Sneezing is generally caused by irritation and sometimes bacterial clog up in the throat and ears, lungs, or in the passages of the nose. Allergens such as pollens, pet dander, house dust mites, as well as nonallergenic particles are usually harmless, but when they irritate the nose the body responds by expelling them from the nasal passages. The nose mistakes strong odors, sudden chills, bright lights (see photic sneeze reflex), and making nasal sounds at the right pitch for nasal irritants, and it tries to defend itself with a sneeze.[citation needed]
[edit]Eyelid close response
When sneezing, one's eyelids reflexively close, possibly as a response to relieve the unpleasant pressure a sneeze produces behind the eyes. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to sneeze and keep one's eyes open.
[edit]Beliefs and cultural aspects

In 400 BC the Athenian general Xenophon gave a dramatic oration exhorting his fellow soldiers to follow him to liberty or to death against the Persians. He spoke for an hour motivating his army and assuring them a safe return to Athens until a soldier underscored his conclusion with a sneeze. Thinking this sneeze a favorable sign from the gods, the soldiers bowed before Xenophon and followed his command. Another divine moment of sneezing for the Greeks occurs in the story of Odysseus. Odysseus returns home disguised as a beggar and talks with his waiting lover Penelope. She says to Odysseus, not knowing to whom she speaks, that he will return safely to challenge her suitors. At that moment their son sneezes loudly and Penelope laughs with joy, reassured that it is a sign from the gods.[1]
Among the pagans of Flanders, a sneeze was an omen. When Saint Eligius warned the pagans against their druidical practices, according to his companion and biographer Ouen, he included the following: "Do not observe auguries or violent sneezing or pay attention to any little birds singing along the road. If you are distracted on the road or at any other work, make the sign of the cross and say your Sunday prayers with faith and devotion and nothing inimical can hurt you."
In Hungary, Slovakia and Slovenia and some Middle Eastern countries a sneeze that occurs after making a statement is sometimes interpreted as a confirmation by God that the statement was true.
In Japan, a common superstition holds a person sneezes when they are being talked about or badmouthed behind their back or by a person far away.
It is a common belief in India that someone who randomly sneezes remembers or is remembered by someone dear to him or her. Most Indians consider sneezing healthy, and the inability to sneeze to be cause for alarm. Psychology Today reports that Indian scientists have labeled an inability to sneeze "asneezia"; the people of India have long used snuff as a way to artificially induce sneezing.
[edit]Onomatopoeia
The onomatopoeias for the sneeze sound are "achew!" (the "a" is pronounced as the "u" in "mug"), "atisshoo" and "achoo". The first syllable corresponds to the sudden intake of air, the second to the sound of the sneeze.

Traditional responses to a sneeze
In English-speaking countries, it is common for at least one person to say "God bless you" (or just "Bless you") after someone sneezes. This tradition originates from the Middle Ages, when it was believed that when one sneezed, the heart stops, the soul left the body and could be snatched by an evil spirit.[citation needed] Today, it is said mostly in the spirit of good manners and is usually followed by the sneezer saying 'Thank you'. Also, when the Scarlet Fever broke out for the first time, people would often die as a result, people then began saying God bless you, in the hope that they would survive.
In English speaking countries, the German word "Gesundheit" (which means health) is occasionally said after a sneeze instead of "bless you." In the Spanish language, one says "Salud" (the u being an "oo" sound), which also means health

Folk remedies
Folk remedies for sneezing are common. Among them are the following:
Slapping someone on the back as they are about to sneeze will stop them from sneezing.
Apply upward pressure to the bottom of your nose.
Tickle or press against the top of your mouth with your tongue (some people have reported sneezing even more after a sneeze when tickling the top of the mouth).
Press your tongue against the back side of your top row of teeth.
Look up with your eyes but not your head.
Gently bite your upper lip. The sensation will distract your nose nerves and your desire to sneeze will greatly lessen.
Holding your breath for long enough when one feels a sneeze coming will usually prevent a sneeze. Sneezing requires air to expel, and simply eliminating the air until the nervous response goes away means no sneeze. This is immensely preferable to blocking the nose, which can result in damage to the delicate structures of the inner ears, or redirecting the sneeze through your mouth, which can result in the oral ejection of phlegm and saliva.
Squeezing the bridge of the nose
Look at a bright light. (In some people this will not work as with the photic sneeze reflex bright lights are sneezing triggers)
Swallow your saliva when you feel the sneeze coming. Do this repeatedly until the feeling goes away.
Pinch the skin along the top of the bridge of the nose to ward off an impending sneeze.
Accupressure solution: Spread the thumb of one hand away from the fingers. Using the sharp edges of the nails on the thumb and index finger of your other hand, pinch the flap of skin between the spread thumb and the fingers.
Saying "asparagus" or "cow" immediately before a sneeze will often stop the oncoming sneeze. Some believe that saying these words repeatedly can stop the oncoming sneeze, however this has been disproven.
Reciting the phrase "peanut butter-hairspray-pineapple" at the onset of a sneeze is believed to subdue it.
Apply pressure between your upper lip and the bottom of your nose.














http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sneeze

My favorite dancer at Mickys

Well gee whiz, obviously I have a thing for guys with tatts huh? Usually I wouldn't post stuff like this because I would be worried that Rusty would go try to conquer him first but he claims to be straight Although he does do a naked shower show with his blood cousin. NICE!

Mickys has a hott website by the way. You can view it here: http://www.mickys.com/ . I like how it is set up. You can see photos of my beautiful friends Brandon and Classy in the photo galleries.

For some reason my bastard apple computer will not give me the option to Compose or HTML, so I can't actually link it.

I hope you are all well.

Gay Las Vegas Piranha Nightclub Frank Marino

what a horrible commercial

Vodka

The water of life. It's no wonder I drink so much it then huh?

vodka
[VOD-kuh] A clear, colorless, unaged liquor, the name of which comes from the Russian zhiznennaia voda, "water of life." Vodkas can be made from everything from potatoes to beets, although those made from grain (primarily barley and wheat, sometimes rye or corn) are considered the best. Vodka's purity is the result of distillation at high proof levels, then filtration through activated charcoal to remove most remaining impurities that would contribute distinctive characteristics. Some vodkas are triple-filtered for ultimate purity. Even so, vodka connoisseurs note distinct flavor differences when vodkas are tasted at room temperature sans mixers. In general, however, vodka served straight should be served icy cold. Flavored vodkas, long common in Russia and Poland, may be flavored with anything from fruits to hot peppers. Some flavored vodkas are sweetened slightly.

Vodka: An alcoholic liquor originally distilled from fermented wheat mash but now also made from a mash of rye, corn, or potatoes.

http://www.answers.com/topic/vodka

To Angel Benton

Your feelings have all been very public. I am not always good at talking face to face about things so I have decided to respond publicly as well. I will let the song speak for me. I kept listening to it, and suddenly I thought of you.

Bjork - All is Full of Love

You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it,

Maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
you are staring at,

Twist your head around
it's all around you
all is full of love
all around you,

All is full of love
you just aint receiving
all is full of love
your phone is off the hook
all is full of love
your doors are all shut
all is full of love!

All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love

Brandon are you that obsessed?

I can't believe that you actually have Benjamin & Ethan's initials tattooed on your back. Ridiculous!

Interesting

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Sleep deprivation may lead not only to bleary-eyed mornings, but clouded moral judgment as well, a study suggests.

ADVERTISEMENT

Army researchers found that when they subjected a group of volunteers to two sleepless nights, the lack of shut-eye seemed to hinder participants' ability to make decisions in the face of emotionally charged, moral dilemmas.

The dilemmas in this case were hypothetical scenarios, and not actual events. But the study authors say the findings could have implications for people who are both routinely sleep-deprived and often need to make quick decisions in a crisis -- such as soldiers in combat and medical professionals.

Dr. William D. S. Killgore and colleagues at Walter Reed Army Institute of Research report the findings in the journal Sleep.

In recent years, brain imaging studies have found that an area called the ventromedial prefrontal cortex appears to play an important role in forming moral judgments. There's also evidence that sleep deprivation lowers metabolic activity in this brain region, Killgore and colleagues point out.

It's possible, they speculate, that sleeplessness slows the brain's ability to integrate cognitive and emotional information, which is needed to address serious moral dilemmas.

The researchers based their findings on tests of 26 healthy military personnel. The volunteers were presented with various scenarios, then asked whether a given course of action would be "appropriate" or "inappropriate." The situations ranged from minor, morally inconsequential ones to serious personal dilemmas in which the decision would harm someone in order to protect someone else.

Study participants were presented with the scenarios before and after 53 hours of sleep deprivation.

In general, Killgore's team found, the volunteers took a longer time to mull over the morally charged questions when they were sleep-deprived than when they were well rested. This was not the case with the more minor, non-moral scenarios.

What's more, some volunteers changed their views of what was morally acceptable after they'd been awake for two days. This was not universally true, however; volunteers who, at the beginning of the study, scored high on a measure known as "emotional intelligence" did not waver on what they found morally appropriate.

Emotional intelligence refers to a person's ability to understand his or her own emotions and those of others, and to effectively relate to other people. The findings suggest that people with "particularly well-developed emotional/social capacities" are less susceptible to the effects of sleep deprivation on moral judgment, the investigators say.

There's some evidence that facets of emotional intelligence can be developed and improved, the researchers point out. It might be worthwhile, they write, to study the effects of emotional-skills training for people who routinely face moral dilemmas under stressful conditions.

SOURCE: Sleep, March 1, 2007

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070314/hl_nm/sleepless_nights_dc;_ylt=AtUDGMTdZMs_y_e3kx4r9L7MWM0F

And I'm the dramatic one?

The comment below is in response to my "Replacement Houseboy??" post

Anonymous said...
I think its kinda funny how some people take what they hear and go with it sometimes. Either that or they can just change things up completely to make what happened seem to be something that its not. "Fuck what the 2nd party says! I got all the info that i need on the issue..." This is the mentality that some unfortunate people have, and its sad, but very true. These people we live with day to day, sometimes we dont even realize that there are as many ignorant people out there among us as there really are. We live with them as a cat can live with a dog in a common household. BUT! When the line is crossed, and these people who are uninformed, and to lazy to get the facts, or just so caught up in their lives with pity and drama, that they post blogs about something in reference to someone else that is not the entire occurence, and definately not the truth, then there is a BIG problem. Especially when that someone is just moving to an area and is not well known. EVEN SO, it is still rude, disrespectful, ignorant, and completely absurd of an individual to post something of the sort. Mentioning names or not. He didnt even mention my name, but everyone who knows him or me, knows who he is talking about.... Just as everyone who is reading this who knows him or me knows who i am referencing to... I have a little suggestion to all you bloggers out there....But more so a particular one person. Before you click that post button, think about this....
IS EVERYTHING I PUT IN THIS POST THE FULL AND DETAILED INFORMATION FROM ALL ASPECTS, GATHERED AND PROCESSED AND PUT INTO OPINION FORM?
IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I AM NOT 100% KNOWLEDGABLE ABOUT IN THIS POST THAT COULD POTENTIALLY HARM A PERSONS CREDABILITY AND EFFECT HIS OR HER CAREER, FRIENDSHIPS, OR TIES WITH ANY GIVEN PERSON?

Some people just need to have some respect for other people these days and stop tryin to start shit. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOUR LIFE IS SO FULL OF DRAMA THAT YOU STARVE FOR IT WHEN THERE ISNT ENOUGH TO MEET YOUR TASTE BY THE END OF THE DAY, AND SO YOU DO STUPID SHIT LIKE POST RUMORS AND FALSE COMMENTS IN YOUR BLOG, YOU NEED TO GET HELP!!! Its not healthy to pheene for drama like its your crack. So get up out of your fuckin bullshit pity party and stop makin shit up like your a fuckin 3rd grade special ed student who needs to feel like they are getting special attention for shittin their pants.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kisses,
HOUSEBOY MY ASS!!!


Okay okay, maybe I was out of line when I blogged about you being a theif. Maybe the sherrifs deputy that came to my home was a liar. Sure.

I suppose I could have just blogged actual facts, like how your manhunt and adam4adam profiles both say that you are the biggest bareback slut in Los Angeles or how it says "1 bottom, four tops, I'm looking for more tops..NO RUBBER REQUIRED."

I could have blogged about that, but I'm to good for that. =P. You want dramatic? I can give you dramatic. But really, I don't like drama and I do not have much of it in my life. Actually I haven't had any since my ex.

Still no one has said your name, and I haven't posted a photo of you even though I could very well do that. You've been mentioned in other blogs, but not as "the houseboy". Pull your panties out of your ass and calm down.

KISSES!

Destiny's Child Survivor

Red E ------ Ah Yea!

That is the name of the color on this hot hot hot Cadillac. Nice!

Dashboard Confessional - Ghost of a Good Thing

I guess it's luck but it's the same
Hard luck you've been trying to tame
Maybe it's love but it's like you said
"Love is like a role that we play"

But I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say
But i believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say

But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away from you again
While you're chasing ghosts

I guess it's luck but it's the same
Hard luck you've been trying to tame
Maybe it's love but it's like you said
"Love is like a role that we play"

But I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say
But i believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say

But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away from you again
While you're chasing ghosts

Just bend the pieces till they fit
Like they were made for it
But they weren't meant for this
No they weren't meant for this

Just bend the pieces till they fit
Like they were made for it
But they weren't meant for this

Chasin' the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away, away, away, away from you again

Chasin' the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away from you again
While you're chasing ghosts

A replacement houseboy??????

Yet another fairly young guy was in the kitchen today when I went in to make dinner. He was in shorts and a t-shirt, and barefoot, and looked very much at home. Keith came into the kitchen awhile later and asked if I had met his friend. I really hadn't because he was on the phone. I wonder if he is a replacement since Houseboy #1 left one day and never came back. Apparantly he has been causing quite a ruckas around the city. Lets just say that no one should leave their belongings out around him. Eesh.
This new one isn't nearly as young, but still cute. I wonder how long he'll be around.

I am officially out of control !!!!!

So, I added up some rough estimates today of how much I've been spending. I am on top of my budget like nobodies business, as long as I am sober. =P. Since the 1st of February I have spent approximately $1963.31. That does not include my rent and utilities. The budget I made for myself only allows for about $425 extra after savings and all that jazz. I've only exceeded it by oh, about 4 1/2 times !!!!

About $500.00 of that was for shopping in San Francisco. A large majority of it was food, booze, & entertainment. A huge chunk of it was for traveling.



That is ok because I am fabulous! Who needs to budget when you are the heir to a fortune?! Duh! What a silly game.

I really am okay with it though because I spent the money making memories and having a blast with my friends that I love.

I guess I will cut back, just a little, so that I can start driving again. California drivers watch out! Don't hit my Lexus or I will use my voice activated car phone to dial someone to come kick your ass.

I think I'll go buy a nice watch today, something with diamonds. After all, my rates are based on time.

Dictionary.com's word of the day

trepidation \trep-uh-DAY-shuhn\, noun:
1. [Archaic] An involuntary trembling; quaking; quivering.
2. A state of dread or alarm; nervous agitation; apprehension; fright.

-Most people I know only get that feeling when they've done one to many, or when they need another drink. =P

Is this to be our future?

Are we to become even worse than those people who chat their whole lives on the Internet and never have any real interaction with people. Maybe Angel and I will only ever communicate through blog posts and comments. That's hott. R-i-g-h-t.

Angel Benton said...
OK so apparently I have been misinterpreted and feel the need to clarify. Trust me, I of all people understand the value of alone time, but what I don't think that you are understanding is that when you told me to get lost, well that you wanted to be alone, it was 2 AM....in an unfamiliar city....and you were intoxicated....and you are tiny! So yes I was concerned about that. So if my caring about your personal safety makes me an "ass," then I am an ass and I apologize for that. I know it might be selfish, but Heaven forbid if anything had happened to you that night I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I was just glad that you came back safe and sound in one piece. And obviously I wasn't that pissed off about that because we were totally fine the next day (the night of the awards). It was the NEXT day that I was distant, and that was because of what happened the night before. You weren't being punished at all, but I hope that you see that if we did that bike ride and you ran the marathon with me, that I would be punishing myself. But it is interesting that you chose those words, because "being punished" is exactly how I felt the night before.

12:37 AM

I say...
See, before it wasn't said that it was about my personal safety. It may not have been on purpose, but I was made to look like a jerk, simply because I said that I would appreciate it if I could be alone. I was quoted as saying "get lost!". It's as if my personal need for time alone had been morphed into an insult to others. San Francisco is not unfamiliar to me. I have been there several times, but not everyone is aware of that. If I had been abducted by aliens or hit by a runaway truck filled with emotion or God forbid gay bashed....well everything happens for a reason right? And I strongly dislike that I was quoted as using the words "Get lost" because I said no such thing.

You really had become Brandon Baker for a couple of days there because there was no breaking into your vault of emotions and feelings that day.

Angel Benton said...
"I come back to the room, and see that he has left me behind, and didn't leave a note or anything. At that point in the trip I was already feeling like I couldn't turn my back without Andy disappearing. That, combined with being told to get lost in New Orleans, made me feel like he couldn't wait to get away from me."

I say...
Well actually after you left the room, I climbed into the closet and waited in there for about 8 minutes because I wanted to pop out and scare you when you came back into the room. I didn't realize that you weren't waiting for me in the hallway. Oh, and if I couldn't wait to get away from you why the hell would I keep pushing for us to go on A 16 MILE BIKE RIDE TOGETHER?!

Angel, I know that you care about me and my safety. Please don't take personal offense when I need time alone. It makes me feel guilty to do what is right for me. I didn't tell you to shove off or get lost. I would have asked to be alone had it been Brandon at the elevator door, or my mother, or anyone. It's like you have this mindset that I needed to be away from YOU when in fact I just wanted to be completely alone.

Although, you do need time away from me as you posted in your last blog.

Angel said
"and if I have to take a step back and a breather from Andy to keep the peace and my own sanity, I guess I will do just that."

I say...

I respect that. I don't take offense to it, and I don't interpret it as you saying I need to stay out of your life or I should get lost.

I did the same thing, only mine was for just about an hour, and I took a breather from everyone. =P

Congratulations on finishing the race. I am proud of you.

Cabrera ain't got nothin on Carrabba

This man could take me anytime anywhere. He is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L and talented. I love his voice. It's so sweet. And those tatts. Oh my! Take me now Chris Carrabba (Dashboard Confessional)

#1 Crush

I can dedicate this song to my closest friends and to the love(s) of my life. I think it is hot hot hot and I have liked it for a long time.

#1 Crush by Garbage

Garbage #1 Crush

I would die for you,
I would die for you,
I've been dying just to feel you by my side,
To know that you're mine.

I will cry for you,
I will cry for you,
I will wash away your pain with all my tears,
And drown your fear.

Ah ah, ah ah ah,
Ah ah, ah ah ah,
Ah ah, ah ah.

I will pray for you,
I will pray for you,
I will sell my soul for something pure and true,
Someone like you.

See your face every place that I walk in,
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking,
You will believe in me,
And I will never be ignored.

I will burn for you,
Feel pain for you,
I would twist the knife and bleed my aching heart,
And tear it apart.

I would lie for you,
Beg and steal for you,
I would crawl on hands and knees until you see,
Your just like me.


Violate all the love that I'm missing,
Throw away all the pain that I'm living,
You will believe in me,
And I can never be ignored...

I would die for you,
I would kill for you,
I will steal for you,
I'd do time for you,
I will await for you,
I'd make room for you,
I'd sail ships for you,
To be close to you,
To be a part of you,
As I believe in you,
I believe in you,
I would die for you...

but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't haunt you daily and spend time with you, even from beyond. Don't think it's that easy to get rid of me. I think everyone should listen to this song.

I got you!

Yike

My mother recently sent a bunch of stuff to me that had been stored in the garage from my school years. This folder is holding all of my class photos. The torn sticker on it says "Say Boo to Drugs". How things change.



I say there is nothing wrong with dabbling, as long as it is in moderation and responsibilities to one's self and others are not neglected. Some careless people had to go ruin it for the rest of us, lol.

At least I am still proud. =)

What's new?

I know I was gone for a while and didn't update. I was helping Brandon live up to his website name for a few days there, and the other days I was just having a blast or relaxing. Can I just say, that now that I think about it, it is amazing that we had no drama...or at least no evident drama, during our whole trip. I think that for the most part we all had a blast. There was no explosion of tater tots or anything and the whole trip was just amazing. I missed out on the bike ride, and I was about to do it by myself, but I jumped on the opportunity to spend more time with Brandon, who I see not nearly often enough....at least from my viewpoint. Ask him, and he'd probably say he sees me to much. I love you B. xo. Angel was pretty much silent the entire last day of the trip. I could tell something was on his mind and I asked him if he cared to share his feelings. His response was "Haven't you had enough of that by now?" Well fuck, excuse me Miss Thang. I asked if I had said or done anything to implicate that I had thought that and he thought about it and said no. I didn't get it.
I thought he was punishing me for something since we were supposed to go on our bike ride together and he suddenly didn't want to .
For the record I did not tell him to get lost, at least not in San Francisco. I don't remember the incident in New Orleans, so I can't even try to defend myself there. When we were in San Francisco, I just had the need to be alone, and I wanted to go for a walk and grab a bite to eat. I just said that I would appreciate it if i could be alone. Don't take everything to heart you ass! xoxo. Everyone needs alone time.

Hmmm what else is new? I got a hot hot raise @ work. I got about 2.5 times the percent more than I was expecting. They must really like me or something because the raises are never that much. My boss even said she hasn't received a raise that nice. HOT for me.

I went on a date and I think it went great.

I am strongly considering getting a tattoo. I just have to figure out of what, and then where.

I watched Party Monster all the way through for the first time today. What downer. Ew. If my experiences with intoxicants were as bad as theirs, you'd better believe I'd woudln't even need to be with Britney in rehab. The movie actually annoyed me. While they are tragic messes....the party monsters in my life are fabulously fantastic; off and on, up and down.

I saw the movie Breach. I was going to see Zodiac, but after reading Brandon Bakers coments on www.partywithbrandon.blogspot.com, I thought better of it. Jason Sechrest didn't seem to fond of it either. Breach was good. I thought that it would be more action and less emotion. I wasn't exaclty prepared for it. I do have to say though that Resse Witherspoon is way better at acting than her beautiful ex-husband Ryan Phillipe. Yummy.

More later.

I think I may actually hump it, lol

In the words of Angel Benton

WORK BITCH!!!!!!!

Sarah McLachlan/Sara McLaughlin

i don't get it. I guess when it translates from Canadian English to American English, her name is spelt differently. If you search for her songs, it comes up with two different types of spellings. Anyways, will someone please delete her from my computer!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! This b*tch fucks me up emotionally. I started to explain why but ugh....old old old drama....nm.

My first kiss

I don't know how many remember their first kiss but I certianly do remember mine. At times, when I am left alone with my thoughts for to long, I realize that I have depths within me that even I do not want to think about and explore. I see so much beauty in the world that sometimes I am overwhelemed and all I can do is cry. My first kiss was and always will be a magical moment. I think so, because it was so inncoent, and it was always very reassuring that I was finally on the right path. Perhaps it was also because he was beautiful. When I say beautiful, I mean more than looks of course. Even today he is smart, respectful, talented, caring, and just all around a wonderful person.
I can't help but think there must have been something special about him. I have not felt the magic since that kiss, even when having sex with someone i think I love. - that is a whole other subject.
All I can say is that it was amazing, and I think the next time I feel that spark, I will try to hold on harder to him. Of course at the time I wasn't drinking or on any other intoxicants. Perhaps they dampen everything and so there can be no spark. I wouldn't doubt that several people consistenly get fucked up to avoid the spark. To avoid any real human emotion that may attach themselves to someone else. Well shit, they should just pass their sparks along to me then. =P

Coming out

Hard to believe that I would still need to come out to anybody huh? For those of you that have met me, I am not (always) obviously gay. I'm sure that last sentence provided a good laugh for those that do know me though. I still have girls at work and school crush on me, but maybe they are just out of touch with reality. Anyways, I have some coming out to do.

I was apparantly born to a big irresponsible man & money loving hoe. Lol, could you imagine someone like that?! Ugh, makes me sick. Anyways, my biological brother and I were adopted into different families. I was blessed to grow up with a beautiful family and I love and adore my parents. My brother was not so fortunate. His foster mother never legally adopted him because she wanted to continue to collect welfare and all that jazz. Well, one year I went to see him for Christmas and he wasn't there. His foster mother had decided to move away and not tell anyone where they were going. I had to take the sweater that I bought him back home and put it under the tree. I kept it wrapped up for years. My biological grandmother, a beautiful BEAUTIFUL soul, always kept in contact with myself and my adoptive family. She and my cousin searched for years for my brother, and finally after close to eight years they found him. He was an adult by then and so many years had gone by...we had completely separate childhoods and experiences.

I've seen him once in the past 10 years, and that was five years ago at my cousins wedding. Since then, he and his wife have had two children and I haven't been able to meet them. I guess in part it is my own irresponsiblity, but mostly I will say it is due to the fact that we barely know eachother so it's not like it'd be the most comfortable thing for me to go stay with them for a weekend.

That is exactly what my dad is suggesting. He is going up north for something else and he wants to drop me off at my brothers on Friday and pick me up on Sunday. I mentioned it to my brother on the phone and he seemed thrown off and slightly unreceptive. I said "Well I was talking to my dad and we thought it'd be a good idea if I could visit you for the weekend while he's up that way" (or I said something to that effect) and his response was kinda of like " well, ummmm, yea, I should be here". I think a weekend would be to long with these total strangers.

We haven't had any real conversations. I mean, about what he remembers from living with our biological parents. That's one major issue. The other is that I haven't told him that I am gay. I don't know if he'd really care or if it would make a difference. The thing is I really don't know because he was raised in a completely different environment. My dad keeps pressuring me into going up there, and I feel like we need to talk about a lot before I do decide to visit, especially for a whole weekend.

I never had to come out to my parents. Parents always know, and my dad caught me making out with a guy when I was 16.





Yes yes, this is the guy that my father caught me making out with in his van. Out of all the days that my dad decided not to go to work, and to instead go for a healthy brisk walk in the morning...he happened upon me and my boyfriend. He graduated the year before me. I met him because he was my flute tudor. The REAL flute thank you. Not the skin flute. We were making out in his van parked just up the street from school and there was a knock on the drivers side window. It was my father. YIKE! He demanded that I get out of the vehicle, and my bf sped off. I walked behind the fence to go to school and of course my dad was following and yelling at me. I was crying and a mess, and along came my girlfriend-a close friend, and a girl that I had happened to come quite close having sex with. I was a big mess and she had to kind of duck between me and my father. Wild huh?




Anyways- back to the real subject here. I was thinking of coming out to my brother over email. It'd be better than giving him my myspace link and having him find out on his own. Perhaps he will be very accepting. When my other brothers and sisters found out, they each came up to me separately and told me that they loved and supported me and that would never change. Life could be worse. I would give away all of my shoes and walk the world barefoot if it meant that I could have friends and family half as becautiful and amazing as I do now. I am not sure what I have done to deserve the people in my life, but I am going to enjoy them for as long as I can.

Lets take a hot minute

to honor a couple of really hott photots. Yummy!





And this boy is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L






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oops! how did that one get on there!?

SO FAR BEHIND

In this case I am talking about my blog. I am way way way behind. I will try to blog later on today. I'm not even sure how many people read this thing so I don't really have the motivation all the time to keep it up to date. Of course, maybe if I blogged all the time, more people would read it. Hmmmmm.

I need to go back to work now. See ya'll later.