Ketchup

I have been meaning to catch up on my blog. I don't exactly like to go through moment by moment recaps of my experiences. Angel Benton does a pretty detailed recap most of the trips I go on with my friends. I do a lot more....skimming and focus on the stand out moments. I have photos to put up but you can probably find the photos I have, and more on Brandon Bakers blog. As soon as I get a new camera, I'll be able to put up a ton of my own photos. Also, the internet connection I am supposed to have in my room at home is nonexistent so it's been taking me awhile to get around to blogging.

I have been outrageously busy at work! Our team has six different Priority #1 tasks - each of which is more important than the others and needs to be taken care of immediately. We've added a magical white board to the wall that our new CEO thinks is going to help our department keep better track of our numbers. All it is really going to do is take up more time because we have to gather the stats and write them up on the board. Five people in our 11 person department have left the company in the last year. That should serve as an indicator that there is something wrong huh? Oye, sure I haven't finished school yet but it doesn't take a genius to know that when you add more sales people, who make mistakes and enter fraudulent information, and you add 59 new markets and thousands of new accounts, perhaps you should hire more support as well. End rant about work.

More later...

Back from Chicago

photos and stories to come....must work for now.

Slogan for Sale

mmmmmmmm yum

Fat Kid Getting Scared

Hottie McHotHot

HIGHLARIOUS!

I saw this on PerezHilton.

There's No Place Like Home

Home again and it feels soooooo good. Angel and I flew back early this morning. The other boys, Brandon, Fabrice, and Rusty stayed an extra day because we missed the flight. Well, technically we didn't miss it, they just didn't let us on the plane. We were there with plenty of time to spare but they would not budge. Both Angel and myself had to be back at work today so we had no choice but to pay the extra money and buy new tickets.

Guatemala was a blast though! This was certainly a trip to remember. We stayed at a baby brokerage the first day - no really babies were for sale for $30,000.00 or 225,000Quetzals. Brandon pushed Fabrice through a glass door. We charged up about $1250.00 (U.S.) in mistakes! So much for the great rate on the flights huh? We rode jet skis, braved the crazy dog, horse, and people ridden freeways, climbed the Mayan ruins, and made some great memories. I'll be able to post more on all of this later once I'm home from work.

I have to say though that I am so much more grateful than I was before for living in the U.S.A. I am glad we got to do an amazing whirl wind tour of Guatemala, since I don't see myself visiting again in the future. You never know what's going to happen but I don't think that I'll plan on going back. Of course, when you hang out with the group that I hang with - plans are irrelevant.

I'll be able to post photos once B gets back.

A Mistake

I'm gonna make a mistake
I'm gonna do it on purpose
I'm gonna waste my time

'Cause I'm full as a tick
And I'm scratching at the surface
And what I find is mine

And when the day is done, and I look back
And the fact is I had fun, fumbling around
All the advice I shunned, and I ran
Where they told me not to run, but I sure had fun, so

I'm gonna fuck it up again
I'm gonna do another detour
Unpave my path

And if you wanna make sense
What you looking at me for
I'm no good at math

And when I find my way back
The fact is I just may stay, or I may not
I've acquired quite a taste for
A well-made mistake I wanna make a mistake
Why can't I make a mistake?

I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why

Do I wanna do right, of course but
Do I really wanna feel I'm forced to
Answer you, hell no
I've acquired quite a taste for
A well-made mistake, I wanna make a mistake
Why can't I make a mistake

I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why

-Fiona Apple

Blog of Realizations

1. I think I'm just beginning to understand how fucked up I still am from my relationship with my most recent ex. Perhaps now that I realize this, I will be able to improve that.

2. While I may do what is right for me, I do not always do what is best for me.

3. I am more honest than I thought.

4. I should spend more time with my family, which means I need to buy a car. Watch out California drivers!

5. I am more mature and responsible and it feels good.

6. I am obsessed with my friends - and I don't think that is a bad thing.

7. In high school I was a great writer. I can be again.

8. I really should finish school......one day.

Live Cam Show @ 3:30 TODAY!

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Now you gone done and pissed me off

In response to Angels post

Now, normally, I don't use this blog to communicate directly with Andy, as
that's not what it is for (I will get to that in a second). If I have anything
to say regarding one of Andy's blog entries, I will comment on his blog, where
that belongs. HOWEVER, apparently Andy is feeling the need to block my comments
now...hmmm...interesting...we all know how I feel about being censored....so I
will leave my comment right here for everyone to read.

I thought you didn't jump to conclusions. I don't want to be an asshole, as you are a very good friend of mine, but please stop playing the victim, it's getting old. I posted my comments in my blog, just as you have done. I was only waiting til I had time to write a response.

First and foremost I think that I need to clarify the purpose of my blog. The whole concept behind http://www.angelbenton.com is that, if you were to break into my bedroom and break open and read my diary, this is what you would be reading. So OF COURSE everything that you read is going to be from my PERSPECTIVE. It's not a source for news and unbiased information. If that's what you're looking for, log on to MSNBC, because you won't find it here. That's not changing. Ever.

Now I will answer all of your points that you bring up in your entry entitled "Fraud?" which was referring to ME (so sweet). For those that are reading along, I am not going to be posting everything that he wrote, you can log on to his blog to read it. Here are my responses:

1) I never once said that Classy and Lex had sex. In fact, as Jason Sechrest pointed out in the comment section, anyone who knows Lex knows that he is not like that. But that wasn't the point anyway. The point (and why I mentioned it) was the mere fact of them leaving the club together was unexpected. They could have gone home and fucked, they could have gone home and made a fucking QUILT, but the fact that they left together (regardless of what happened afterward) was unexpected, as was me spending the night with you. That's it, and Classy joking about it didn't help his case when it comes to people's speculations.

I was simply clearing up something for two friends of mine, since you put that out there to be misinterpreted by the public. In addition, the comments that Classy made, were voiced in front on Lex, AND you knew that he was joking when he said that.

2) Yes you were cranky because you couldn't get to the bar! And you couldn't get to the bar because you kept getting pushed around from person to person and the drink ticket situation was a fucking fiasco. Nobody said that you were jonesing for some vodka and taking it out on the rest of the world, nor did anyone call you an "angry alcoholic." Now you are putting words in MY mouth, just like you accused ME of in the "Confessions" entry, when you said that I directly quoted you as saying, "Shove off" (which, after you said, I reread, and found that I never quoted you as saying that). Yet somehow it's perfectly acceptable for Lex Sabre to call you a drunk mess and describe you needing to be sent home from Fubar....hmmmm....

All you said was that I was cranky because I couldn't get to the bar. Now, stop and think for a second. What is a reader going to think when they read that? You sent me a text message that said that you would never write anything unflattering about me. Well, your whole Freaky Friday post sure wasn't flattering. Jason Sechrest even mentioned in his blog that your comments have to be good for my business. Did you read your own entry? Did you think about what others might be thinking when they read it? As for the shove off thing, you may not have mentioned it in a written entry or a voice post but you kept repeating for weeks that I told you to just fuck off.

3) You missed the whole point of that statement. There have been times when you and I have had quite public shouting matches, when the reality was that neither one of us were even upset. No big deal, but I'm sure to the people around us, it looked like we were FURIOUS with each other. SO MY POINT WAS, my dealings with you, have taught me to not rush to judgment and not judge a book by its cover. Is that a bad thing? It just so happened that I realized this in the context of Brant and Jayden, who yes, are indeed a couple. But if it had been Brandon yelling at Rusty, or Anthony Cortez yelling at Erik, I would have come to the same realization. And your point about Blake Riley and Trevor is invalid because, according to Blake Riley himself, he and Trevor are NOT in a relationship.

I was simply pointing out the difference. My point about Trevor and Blake was NOT invalid in response to your blog since you are the one that said that they had somewhat coupled. They had something going on, if not a relationship. YOU and I have not even somewhat coupled. Brant and Jayden are actually in a relationship. Of course they are going to argue like that. Now, I felt the need to put this in MY public blog because you are comparing our friendship to those of people who have more than friendships, or at least did for some brief moment
in time.

4) Are you fucking kidding me?? The whole point of me writing that was to show that I am trying to SEE THINGS FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW SO THAT I CAN MOVE ON!!! What point does it prove? It proves that other people see things that you "choose to ignore" as you have stated yourself. Translation: Shut the fuck up Angel Benton. Actually no, I take that back. That's not what that meant, BUT, blocking my comments does indeed translate to SHUT THE FUCK UP ANGEL BENTON. Did you learn that from Erik?

Other people see what? Other people, who are not me, think that we would be good together in a relationship? Good for them, however they are not me. What I chose to ignore, because I had no idea how to respond, is that you want to be more than friends. I am not choosing to ignore that we would be great in a relationship as boyfriends, because I don't believe that is true. Oh, and since I respect you, I would never tell you to shut the fuck up. And again, I didn't block your comments.

And I wouldn't mention Erik, since you seem to have learned a few things from him.

5) The owners of the Helios Resort asked us where we were registered. You were standing right there. They were talking to the both of us. It was at Oasis at the Rentboy Pool Party afterparty. I can't believe that you don't remember that.

This question was a joke, I remember a hell of a lot more than you probably think. You would be surprised. I had also asked "You mean we could be getting free gifts?"

Oh, and one last thing. You are just as guilty of misleading the public as you say that I am. In your recent post about you and Classy doing a scene together, you say "Since we've had plenty of practice, this scene should turn out really great." Now, the outside observer would be pressed to believe that you and Classy have had plenty of sex together, but you know as well as I do, that is false. You two have had sex ONCE, BUT you both indeed have had lots of practice having sex....just not with each other. ;-) If you want to call me out on being misleading, all I have to say is, if you live in a glass house you shouldn't throw bricks.

Did I say anything bad about my friends? NO. Did I say anything that could be misinterpreted as insulting to someone, or hurtful to someones reputation? NO. Now back out of my marketing scheme and stop trying to hurt my business please. And just to clarify, so that you don't think that I'm telling you to shove off, I don't mean business as in my life, I mean business as in my video work, and escorting.

AND yes there are things that I leave out. You know that as well as I do. But you also know as well as I do that the things that I leave out are far more unflattering than the things that I choose to write. You know exactly the type of post that I am talking about. It's similar to the type of post that you wrote to Houseboi when he pissed you off. As fierce as that was, I have no interest in doing that to you. That would solve nothing and just create animosity that doesn't currently exist.

So that's it. Am I upset/angry/pissed off? No, not really. Not at all. In fact, I am proud of both you and Classy and I sincerely hope that you have a great shoot and tons of fun in Palm Springs this weekend. I hope your new movie leads to nothing but bigger and better things. In regards to me, you of course are entitled to your opinion. Do I still love you? Of course I do. Am I disappointed in the way that you chose to handle the situation? Absofuckinglutely. I wish that you would have felt comfortable enough to talk to me in person about this, or even use e-mail, telephone, text message, or even comment on my blog since it was where the entries that you took offense to were located. But instead you chose to respond publicly, which you have every right to do, but choosing to try and silence me, hurts.

What should I have taken the time to respond privately to something that you posted publicly? We have all communicated through our blogs indirectly. Why is this time any different? AND, I wasn't censoring you. First of all you have your own public forum that you can post in just as I did. I was simply waiting til I had the time to write a full response to your comment before I published your comment.

But hey, I know that you love me, and I know that you wouldn't ever do anything intentionally to hurt me. TRUE After all, this is the same beautiful man who told me that he never wanted me out of his life, and that he would financially support me if I quit Bath And Body Works, and yes, the same one who asked me to stay the night with him. Sometimes you get hurt unintentionally. After all, you are just doing what is right for you.

Another thing that is really starting to piss me off is that you always mock me for saying this. What in the hell is so wrong about doing what is right for me? Why do you feel the need to always mock me about this? I do what is right for me and I do my best to keep my friends happy, and
not insult anybody along the way. I think that makes me a pretty good
person.

However, just once, it would be nice for someone to want to do what is right for ME....

The first person that should be doing what is right for you is YOU. You can be the one to judge whether you are doing that are not. NOW, I can't
speak for Brandon or Rusty, but I can say that I always try to be there for you. I do my best to be a good friend that defends you and is there for you to talk to. You want someone to want to do what is right for YOU. Okay, but does that mean that that someone has to forget what is right for them to do what is right for you? Brandon and I tried to convey how important you are to us in the hellish car ride up to San Francisco. What else can we do? What is lacking in our friendship that makes you want more? What have your friends done that hasn't been right for you?

You have made this entire thing public, and now you are offended when I post something for all to read? I really don't understand that. Some things in this entry probably are hurtful, but I have told you again and again that I love, and I really do mean LOVE my friends, including you. I have even gotten messy emotional in front of you about the idea of losing you, Brandon, Rusty, Classy, or any of my friends. Now, what have I said that is unflattering about you? I have done my best to reassure you that you are important to me and that I want you in my life although not in the capacity that you would prefer.

Of course this is all very easy for me. I mean, there is absolutely no pressure on me at all. Either I love you the way you want, or your self esteem falls to pieces and then it gets put on me like it's all my fault.

I am lost now and have probably said more than enough. Say what you want. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I am doing what's right for me. There's absofuckinglutely nothing wrong with that. Want to be my friend? Then please, by all means continue to do so, but stop the animosity. I don't think I'm being insensitive. I have tried the private approach but that doesn't seem to have rung through.

Andy Kirra and Ryan Thompson!

So this weekend I will be in Palm Springs with Classy A.K.A Ryan Thompson. We're going to be doing a film for Dink Flamingo! Mike Donner is actually the one that contacted me about working in the movie, and it'll be good to see him again.
Classy and I just got the news this morning that he'll be doing one scene and it's going to be with ME.
Since we've had plenty of practice, this scene should turn out really great. Actually, the whole movie should be excellent.

And I really enjoy Palm Springs so hopefully we'll get to have some fun in the sun together.